U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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