so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
