he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
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I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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