so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
