So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
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He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.