I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sext me about skeletons
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen