i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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