well you can't waste a boner
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?