If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
