i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
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Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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