some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
