Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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