Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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