note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
