Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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