I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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