Soap is not a condiment
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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