I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Randomize
