She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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