I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
