But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
