I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
