I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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