apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
