Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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