This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
