the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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