Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
