The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
we should paint friendship bongs
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