Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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