They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
