She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
