I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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