Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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