24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
