Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
