You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
