Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
