there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
