I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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