I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
