loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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