oh god the rape fog is back!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
