you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
