How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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