True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
