well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
