i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
