So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
