I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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