I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
