my phone needs a breathalizer
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize