Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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