So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
