I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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