This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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