I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
