I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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