I heard we made out
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Two words: blizzard sex
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
