You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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