I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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