just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
