let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
