just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
