thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
