He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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