Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
