I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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