Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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